Advice During Pregnancy: Do's and Don'ts (but mostly, don't)

Alright, folks. I'm jumping on my soap box right now. I'm hormonal, but honestly, what pregnant lady isn't? It is SO easy for us to fly off the handle in anger, start bawling at the drop of a hat, or even start laughing so hard we pee ourselves. It's really hard to get a grip on this emotional roller coaster, because we know exactly WHY we are reacting to certain things in a certain manner, but we have no control over it, which is such a bitch to deal with. A movie, a song, or Caige just being super cute and snugly can get me all teary-eyed and emotional. I do tend to get a bit feisty, but it seems to get worse once you're in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

About the time I hit 35 weeks, I was pretty much at my wits-end with being pregnant. I'm done with being uncomfortable. I'm done with have fat, swollen feet that no longer fit in about 98% of my shoes. I'm done with having to pee literally every 20 minutes. I'm done with not being able to fit in my clothes. I'm done with people just looking at me like I look miserable. And of course, while feeling all of these emotions is the time that the vast majority of the female population (ever having been with child or not) feels the need to give you advice on things either they experienced in their own pregnancies, things friends have experienced, or my favorite: things they read in an article. 

I know when people offer advice or try to offer words of comfort, it's completely out of the goodness of their hearts. I don't doubt their intentions on trying to ease my worries or soothe my crummy mood, but there is a time and a place for advice to be given. There are SO many different factors that come into play when a pregnant woman receives advice, and how she takes it. So, I'm putting together my own little "list" of Do's and Don'ts on offering pregnant women (specifically in the latter part of the 3rd trimester) advice.



DO:
-DO give compliments. No matter how swollen my feet or face are, compliments are ALWAYS welcome. Granted, I may say "No way, I'm a whale" or retort with some self-degrading remark, I (and all pregnant women at that) really do love being complimented. It doesn't have to be a compliment regarding our physical appearance, it can really be anything.
-DO tell us we're glowing (when we actually are). It makes us feel like we may actually be enjoying with 9 month road trip from hell.
-DO ask is it is okay to give advice or tell us a story about your pregnancy. Before you start lecturing or offering any sort of insight, make sure the person you're offering it to is in the mood to hear it. If we look stressed, tired, swollen, agitated, or on the verge of tears, just let us be. It'll save us from an embarrassing emotional breakdown, and you won't have to take the brunt of it.

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DON'T:
-DON'T begin your advice with "Well during MY pregnancy..." Honestly, I couldn't give a flying rat's ass about what happened during your pregnancy. Our pregnancies are not the same. We're not related, so anything you have to say about what you went on during your pregnancy is completely irrelevent to mine. What worked for you more than likely won't work for me, so just keep it to yourself. The only person who's advice I actually take into account when comparing pregnancies is my mom's. It's kind of a no-brainer there.
-DON'T tell me what to do. I've read the articles. I've talked to my doctor. And SURPRISE, this is my second pregnancy. I've been down this road before. I know my feet are swollen and I need to elevate them and drink water (which I do so much of that it makes me sick), but don't bully me into taking your advice.
-DON'T tell me your pregnancy/labor horror stories. It's not a contest on who went through the most shit and looks like the better woman because of it. I'm sorry you labored for 36 hours. I'm sorry you had to be on bed rest for 3 months. I'm sorry you were so swollen you had stretch marks on your ankles. I'm sorry your experience was so awful that you feel the need to scare the hell out of me when it comes to mine. If I want to know how terrible your experience was, I will ask you about it. And for my sake, I hope my experience is so much better than yours.
-DON'T give advice on pregnancy if you have never been pregnant. I cannot stress enough how annoying this is. I'm sure your best friend's sister's cousin's adopted grandma twice removed had such a wonderful pregnancy and I'm sure you were super involved and it was almost like you were pregnant with them. I don't give a shit. If a human entity didn't come out of your vagina, keep your lips zipped. And I'm sure that article that you read is super accurate. Trust me, I read PLENTY of articles almost daily on everything I'm experiencing during this pregnancy. I google every symptom I'm having, and I even have my on-call nurse on speed dial. If I need to know something, I will find out, but not from you. Sorry, not sorry.
-DON'T brag. Congratulations, you were in labor for 4 hours and you did it all natural. Do you want to be punched in the face?


I am guilty of offering advice to pregnant girls and swapping stories about the hell we go through to have such an adorable little bundle of joy in our lives, but having experienced this twice has put me more in check when it comes to the things I say and how I say them to other pregnant ladies. Just be aware of how a girl is feeling before opening your mouth. That's really all we're asking. End rant.