For those of you who know me (and I mean REALLY know me), know that I am not the most punctual person. 9 times out of 10 you can count on me being late. And obviously little Caige is taking after his momma already. He doesn't want to come out, and my body doesn't want to get "rid of him". (I know that sounds harsh, but c'mon. I'm ready to evict the little guy!)
Every appointment since they started checking my dilation progress, it's been a slow process. My last two checks, I've only been dilated to a 2. A 2?! Really?! I can't help but feel some sort of frustration and disappointment because I want the excitement of my water breaking, or timing contractions until they're steadily 5 minutes apart. But I read an article that said only about 15% of pregnant women actually experience their water breaking naturally. All other times, it's the doctor who will do it. Bummer. But, luckily my doctor is understanding and has been super supportive of me really wanting to just have Caige already. She doesn't want me going too far past my due date which I am eternally grateful for, because I'm so uncomfortable and tired it's not enjoyable anymore. I hate complaining, and I know every woman who's experienced the wonderful gift we have of bearing children, can sympathize, but it still sucks.
Anyways, we set my induction date for this coming Saturday, February 11th at 7am. That is going to be the earliest Saturday morning of my life. We'll have to check in to St. Luke's downtown about 6:30 am. Not a big deal though. Setting up for me to be induced is actually a relief. I feel like I can see the finish line. Honestly, before we started talking about it, I felt like I was going to be pregnant forever. And poor Jake has to listen to my lame complaints and whining. And I hate whining/whiners. I'm typically the kind of person who will keep bothersome thoughts to myself, but I've hit my limit. And NOW I'm having all of the hormones I've missed out on during the rest of my pregnancy catch up with me. I seriously feel like I cry over everything now. It's almost a daily occurance and I feel like such a "girl". You all know how happy go lucky I am, so for me to suddenly tear up or just start bawling hysterically, is something I am not coping well with at all. I won't go into details about what things have been setting me off, but you can get the idea. Me and sad emotions just don't go well together.
I've been trying really hard to distract myself and keep myself busy at home. I've been cleaning like a freak. I have seriously run out of things to clean and organize. And I continuously go through baby clothes, folding them and putting them away by size, type, color...I have no idea why doing this over and over again is a good idea in my mind, but it relaxes me.
I just can't wait until I can actually take out one of those little outfits and dress that cute little boy in it. I can't wait to fight to get his little toes in his socks, and try to avoid being peed on while changing his diapers. I can't wait to hear him cry, to hear him breathe, to see him blink. I can't wait to feel the smoothness and smell the sweet fragrant smell of his newborn skin.
I can't wait to see the look on Jake's face when he holds his son for the first time. I can't wait to see the father/son bond that will grow as Caige grows. I can't wait to see him develop his motor skills and personality traits. I can't wait to see what color his eyes will be. Will they be blue like mine, or green like Jake's? (I'm hoping for green!). I can't wait to count his fingers and toes, to teach him how to eventually count, to teach him to walk and talk...I'm excited for all of it. Kissing "boo-boo's", checking for monsters in the closets, snuggling him when he's sick, when he's scared, and when he just wants the warmth, reassuring feeling of being held. It's all going to be so great. And I'm so lucky to have Jake by my side, every step of the way. I know how much he's wanted to be a dad, and I feel blessed to be the girl who gets to give him that gift. He's going to be such a wonderful and loving father. His excitement and the support he's given me and how selfless he is just concretes my confidence that he'll be the best.
So, four more days, my lovelies. Within the next four days, little man will be here, and our new journey will begin.
