nor·mal
[nawr-muh
l]
adjective
1.
conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2.
serving to establish a standard.
I hate the word "normal". After experiencing a loss, nothing is "normal". Everything changes. You change, as the survived. Your everyday though processes change. How you go about your day changes. The way that we have to press on feels unnatural, but we have to. People change the way that they treat you. We have to adjust to a new normal. We have to adjust to living with a part of our heart wounded. And that part of our heart doesn't actually ever heal, its always there, it just becomes a part of us. Do we always show our wounds? No, not necessarily. Some days those wounds are a little more tender, a little more sensitive, and some days we don't notice them at all. No day is normal. Everyday is different, but we are still here.
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Life in the Smith household has remained somewhat "normal", for the sake of our boys. Trying to keep consistent routines for young ones is hard, but Caige and Valon have been wonderful distractions for us, and they bring so many smiles to struggling family members. I don't think that their timing in being born could have been anymore perfect.
Caige is officially two years old! And he makes it VERY clear that he is not a baby anymore. Not so much with words, but with his actions. He's such a goofy, fun loving kid. I love watching him play and interact with his surrounds. He is a kid of very few words, but watching him in deep thought is astonishing. His problem-solving skills are impeccable. He surprises us daily with the things he figures out to do on his own at such a young age.
Valon is still the cutest, happiest baby. I've never been around a happier baby. He is almost always smiling and cooing. He loves to look at faces, loves to be talked to, and loves to talk back! The way he looks at Caige (when he slows down long enough for Valon to focus on him) is adorable. You can tell there is so much love between those two already. I can only hope that love lasts, and that they develop a strong friendship.
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My family is doing the best that we can. My parents, siblings and I have been seeing a counselor over the last few weeks, and I feel it has been very helpful. My intention of going was more-so to be a support for my parents and my siblings, but I find myself benefiting from each session. I've realized that I need to better my relationship with my siblings (more specifically my younger sisters). I need to be a better example to them. I need to be someone they can come talk to when it's hard to talk to mom or dad. I want to be better friends with them in general. I hate how easy it is to talk down to siblings, or to shove them off because they're being "annoying". That comfort level you have with family is great, but at the same time, you never know when things can change. My family has a much better understanding of that now. Every time I see any of my family members, we always hug and tell each other we love each other, because you really never know when the last time is you'll be able to say that.
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Change of subject now...
Ever since Valon was born, I have been back in the gym trying to get healthy again. My intention for sharing this isn't to brag about my progress, but to hopefully inspire! My mom and I have been working out together consistently for the last 3 months, and we are in the best shape we have ever been in! My mom so far has lost about 30 lbs, and I as 20 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. I feel fantastic, and I feel so healthy! I've cut out pretty much all processed foods, all fast food, and workout at least 5 times a week. I do still indulge, but those times are rare. Jake has been super supportive, and has been working out and eating healthier along with me! His goal is obviously to gain weight and bulk up a bit, but his progress has been great as well!
Here's a progress pic thus far
December 28th - Janurary 24th
I'm currently on Week 7 of the Jamie Eason Live Fit Trainer program. I absolutely love it so far! (Click the link to view the free program! I highly recommend it!)
