Closure

As you read this post, please keep an open mind. You may believe the experience I am about to share with you, or you may be a complete skeptic. Whatever your thoughts or feelings are, they are fine and justifiable. Just please know that my experience is my own, and the peace I found through this has been a long time coming, whether it is reality or completely left up to interpretation or my imagination, I will hold this close to my heart forever.

Last night my parents and I had the incredible opportunity to participate in a group reading with a Medium. I have always loved the idea of someone being able to communicate with someone who has passed on and answer questions we never thought we'd get answers to. But at the same time, it's hard to wrap my head around the idea of it. The idea is beautiful. It can give hope, comfort, and closure. But it can also procure more grief, sadness, and longing of a loved one. Let me explain...

I like to take situations like this with a grain of salt. My belief as far as the "afterlife" is somewhere along the lines of "I honestly don't know how to feel, but the idea is beautiful". I don't believe in a Heaven or a Hell per say, but I don't believe we cease to exist. I think the human energy is too powerful to just dissolve into nothingness once your heart stops beating, but I don't believe we become magical angels or heavenly beings. It's hard for me to even produce a sound theory because I don't know, and I hate assumptions. I think our individual thoughts on afterlife are what feels good to us, because lets be honest, no one wants to stop existing.

Ok, let's continue: My parents and I sat in a group of about 14 people last night with the Medium. I went in with an open mind. I tried not to be skeptical or critical, but I had questions. I didn't want to go in expecting to connect with loved ones who have passed on, but it's hard not to hope!

The Medium started out the session by spritzing some essential oils into the air to heighten senses, and create more of a positive energy through aromatherapy. The oils she had concocted were calming scents. She had us meditate for a minute, and try to center our thoughts and think about which of the loved ones we wanted to communicate with. I could think of two. One of which I was actually scared to come forward. I'll explain why later.

Everyone in the room had loved ones come through, so we all had our own personal reading, which was fun. It was awesome to see everyone get excited and emotional. The aura in the room was very comforting and one of peace. That feeling was intoxicating. I don't remember everything that everyone else experienced, I was too focused on my own experience.

My parents and I had more loved ones come through for us than we thought we were going to. The medium said that they tend to "piggy-back" on each other, one will come forward, then another one, and sometimes more and more can come forward. And sometimes ones who come forward first are one's who's deaths weren't as much of a hardship, so their presence is a "cushion" before someone else comes forward who's death was no so easy to cope with. The first person who came forward wasn't a family member of ours at all. She was actually a very good high school friend's mom who passed away from breast cancer almost 4 years ago. She was almost like a second mom to me during those years. After she came forward, my great grandmother presented herself and had some words for my mom that were very comforting to her, and things were said that my parents needed to hear. My great grandma spoke of Daniel, then the tears began to flow.

Daniel came forward. Things that were said seemed a little generic at first, but the way that the messages were relayed, they seemed so fitting to his personality. At one point, the Medium told us that he kept telling her how "handsome he is". We all laughed. He used to joke about how "hot" and "sexy" he thought he was. We knew it was him. The Medium at one point looked at my dad and said "He says he misses you too." Every day my dad talks to Daniel and tells him that he misses him. The Medium explained that Daniel can hear everything we say to him. Whether it be vocally or in our mind, he can hear our thoughts and he is trying to communicate with us as well, if we just listen.

The Medium turned and looked as me and asked me about the tattoo I was planning on getting in Daniel's memory. Goosebumps. She said he loves the idea of my memorializing him in that way. And he thinks my tattoo idea is, and I quote: "bad ass". Not a doubt in my mind that he would use that exact word. Not in front of my mom of course, but he would tell me that in secret if he could. A few more things were shared from Daniel, and then my grandpa came forward for my dad. Some things were shared from him that I feel my dad needed to hear.

More people came through for others in the room after that. The one person who I wanted to come forward, but also worried about, was Tyler, my first husband. But he hadn't yet. 

I wasn't scared of him, I was scared he was disappointed in me. I have changed so much since his passing, I've made some decisions he may not approve of, and my biggest fear was that he would come forward and just let me have it. But he didn't come forward. Not yet.

The timer went off for the session to end, and the Medium asked if anyone had any questions. My mom raised her hand, and asked if she could sense who Daniel was with, if there was someone else besides the family who had already come forward. The Medium closed her eyes for a few moments and focused. She stated that she felt a male presence. She said he's not very old, he's family, but not a blood relative. She asked if he was like an uncle or a cousin. My dad explained that he was my first husband. She almost looked like she was in shock. She asked if we had been divorced before his passing, I said "no, we were very much married". She apologized for me having to go through that, then focused again. She said that his personality is funny, almost inappropriate (typical Tyler). She said that my marriage to Tyler is completely different than my marriage to Jake. From my interpretation of what she explained, it sounded like she said my marriage to Tyler was more of a goofy, friendly type relationship, and that my marriage with Jake is more of a romance, true love marriage, which is in fact correct. Tyler and I were in love, but it was different than the love Jake and I share. She stated that I had hesitations about getting re-married, which I definitely did. I had no hesitations about marrying Jake, I had hesitations of being 23 and being on my second marriage. I feared the judgments people would have because of it. I feared Tyler would think I moved on too quickly, but she explained that he is completely supportive, and that he still loves me. She asked if I have a son, or sons. I explained that Jake and I have two boys. She said that Tyler watches over the boys and protects them as if they were his own. She also said she saw an image of Jake and I laying in bed, and Tyler snuggling in between us, which made me laugh. That's so Tyler. No boundaries, but I also take that as a symbolism that he feels comfortable maintaining a presence in my life, which I want and need.

After the session was complete, I felt overwhelming peace and comfort. I found my closure, and I feel like my parents found a similar peace. Maybe not as strong as what I felt, but I think they found a good measure of comfort from this experience and hope that they are a little stronger and felt a sense of healing like I did.